Why I am Here

My reasons for coming to Atlin can mostly be summed up to an impulsive urge for adventure. I've wanted to move North for a few years, but the plan was to do so after a nice secure master's degree - probably in occupational therapy. However, as the end of my B.Sc degree came into view, I decided I needed a change right away.

My mom has cancer and for the last harrowing year my time has been divided between taking care of her, doing school full time, and working. Understandably, the dark forces of chemotherapy plus her impending death took a toll on her and the rest of the family. Some beautiful things can happen in the middle of such a terrible ordeal, but for the most part the learning has been through hardship and the beauty has occurred in the moments where mom was too sick to move. There has been a delicate balance between keeping sanity and fear in check, while attempting to prepare ourselves for reality. The prognosis was that we would have mom around for 12 months at best - probably 6. The 12 months was with the chemo fighting for her.


She did not die


My mother is not getting sicker. The doctor's cannot explain it. In fact, up to this point the cancer has been shrinking. Mom smiles at the doctors and says "I told you my God would save me". This has been her year to shine. As miserable as moments have been, I guarantee that the hospitals will never be the same. I watched her turn a Neurosurgery ward upside down. Nurses and workers stopped in to visit with her when they weren't even working. Patients went into surgery comforted by her. All while she could barely piece together a sentence (she had a tumour attacking her speech center and putting pressure on her brain). A couple of staff members had tears in their eyes when she left.

Through this experience I've had a chance to reevaluate my own life. I have a drive for adventure that I generally squish down to a small more responsible weekend activity. But over the past year I haven't been able to tone it down. I don't want to squish it any more. In fact, it grew to the point where I had to act. I realized the only reason I would stay in Prince George was because I was waiting for mom to die. I didn't want to miss the moments where she needed me. And I wanted to be there to watch over her just in case things quickly took a turn for the worse. Meanwhile she was off gallivanting in Mexico, Florida and California. We had a conversation one day and she told me that I was taking too much responsibility for her. I was waiting for her to die, and she had no intention of doing so. She told me that I should go live my life doing something that I would love - to go have adventure and excitement. She promised that if she got sicker and needed me that she would call me home.

This brings me to Why I'm here. Why go North? Why not go to a big city with hot weather and an exciting social life? I can't really explain why I don't like heat or lots of people, but I don't. It was like the North was calling me. My mother says that its in my blood. When I was little I lived in Cassiar, B.C now a building-less area. Maps now read "former town site of Cassiar". I still had memories of the biting cold, northern lights and dark days. People say that when the north is in your blood, you can't escape it. So all I can say is that I was driven north by some internal, insatiable thirst for the mountains, the northern lights and the cold. Talk to me after the winter and we'll see how I've done.

I used to paint mountains in watercolour. I painted them the way I thought mountains should look, not how the mountains around me actually looked. I made a mistake on one of my first paintings and where there should have been a crevice, there was a large smudgy looking glacier. That smudge is approximately where a rock glacier sits on the mountain right in front of me as I write this (the picture that I have posted is of a different mountain). I accidentally painted this mountain without ever seeing it. I realized when I got here that I had been painting the mountains of my childhood. That's why so many mountains - even in the Rockies - never looked quite right to me.

Moving north, my goal was to get a cushy government job in Whitehorse (it still is). The problem is that they rarely hire people who don't live up here. I'm not the only person who wants to come North for adventure. However, most people get here then run back home, so employers are wary of hiring outsiders. The cold desolation does not continue to appeal to people by the middle of February. I have a friend who lives in Atlin. I've been hearing about the place for so long that I fell in love with it before I even saw it. He invited me to stay with him while I looked for a job. I needed a northern address for a good job to take me seriously. So far I haven't found that job, but I will! And I'm so glad I came.

This is the most beautiful place I have ever seen. And the small town charm just refuses to wear off. The people are friendly and most already know who I am. This is a unique situation that I wouldn't change for anything. I'm happy here.